Creating better connections
Divorce is all about disconnect: from your spouse, possibly your home and community, mutual friends, in-laws now becoming out-laws, and with shared custody you will see less of your children.
What was the hardest for you?
I’ve gone through stages. I didn’t have any problem disconnecting from my co-parent. I prepared for it for years. It was all the other stuff after that brought on sleepless nights. I was not ready for the avalanche of events that followed the quick and easy divorce.
I had to stop working from home and get a full time job to meet expenses so that I wouldn’t freak out every time an account paid late. As I cut back on consulting hours and put that energy into finding a job, it became clear I wouldn’t be able to keep my house. It took me six months to make the decision to move and sell. And I fell deeper into poverty. In addition I made a bad choice of boyfriends and that pain and heartbreak from that relationship consumed a great deal of my time. What was going on?
Keep the faith.
Since it couldn’t get any worse I waited patiently for the change to come. And it did but not without a struggle. Every time I went for a job interview I had to stay totally grounded to not look desperate and also sell myself with the addition of having to move to a new area. There was nothing easy about any of it. Until the day I moved into my new house with my boys. They embraced the change from the start.
What was the best part of your transition?
It may have seemed to my friends that we had left so much behind but not really. It was clear there was and still is so much to look forward to. We’re making new connections all the time. The disconnects from our old life are history and we’ll always have the memories that we choose to hang onto.
Now as I work on making new connections I have the chance to improve the quality of who I spend time with. That includes coworkers, friends, dates, my community. I have so little time now that I’m a single parent. I have to be careful about every choice. I don’t want to make the same mistakes anymore.
What was your biggest lesson after divorce?