Just say no to the $40,000 man
A coworker joked that if I was in a room full of guys and they all made over $100,000 and only one made $40,000, I’d find the $40,000 man. Such is my plight. Why do I go after the underdog? It’s certainly not intentional. My last date was from match.com and there was no way of knowing what his income was. Sure enough, by my calculations, he’s at $40,000. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with a menial income, but at my age, 50, it impacts so many aspects of a relationship. Here are some examples:
If a 50 year old male is only making $40,000, how is he making his rent/mortgage and car payment? $40k breaks down to $2,833/month after 15% taxes. With health insurance, rent and utilities and car payment, that leaves about $400 for groceries etc for the month. Where’s the vacation fund? The 401k? How is he going to pay for anything? God forbid he has children.
Given that, he probably has a second job. When will he have the time to go out? He’s too busy trying to fulfill his god-given duty to provide. For himself. He may seem like a hard worker but when he won’t stop working it gets old.
What is all this work for? Is it all he knows to do? Is he hiding behind it because he doesn’t know how to have a life? Beware. Unless it’s a short term solution, he may actually like working 60 hours a week.
There may also be an element of low self esteem at play. Compared to his friends, he’s way behind. No one can keep up with that kind of hit to the ego for too long. It’s depressing. And his friends’ vacations and toys are a constant reminder. Sadly the stress may be taken out on you, the demanding girlfriend who would like more of his time.
How did he get in this situation? Without a doubt there’s a history with a sad story. You want to think he’s past all that but history tends to repeat itself. Beware! Unless he’s in therapy or clearly healed it’s a total red flag.
There is no changing the underdog. He is what he is. If you can’t accept where he’s at then move on.
And for goodness sake don’t spend any money on him. You’ll never see it again. Under no circumstances should you lend him money. You’re enabling him if you do.
He’s being altruistic you say. Why? To prove something? Reeks of narcissism. It’s all about him. He’s trying to come across as the good guy so he can inflate his status. Don’t buy into it. You’ll end up doing more work than he does.
In the rare chance he does move up, he’ll take all the credit himself. Don’t expect a thank you for showing your support and probably writing his resume and encouraging him to take a risk. He was too insecure to start with and a promotion won’t make it any easier for him.
Netflix and chill anyone? It’s about all he can afford to do.