10 Signs It's Time to Let Go and Move On
After listening to me complain about my boyfriend one night, my friend had me watch the Saturday Night Live skit, “Red Flag Perfume by Chanel." We decided that what I had was one big red banner. There were many, many signs that this wasn't the guy for me but I needed to be 110% sure that it was time to move on. Here’s a list of the top ten red flags from my relationship:
Neediness: When your partner says he’s falling in love with you after one month of dating and then has to ask if he’s the in-between guy, be forewarned that the relationship will be all about him. No matter that you just got divorced and this is the first guy you’ve been with in twelve years. He’s missing something in his life and is looking for you to fill it.
Manipulation: After the second time he criticizes you, yells at you, changes plans at the last minute or is late, run. As the saying goes, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” Because it’s not going to stop. I can attest to this because it only took me 50 times to learn the lesson.
Crazy Making: If he goes off in a rage, keep your cool and wait until the next day to break up with him. Do not engage! Under no circumstance should you fight back. He’s trying to get you to sink to his level so he can later say what a crazy person you are. After the break up, he’ll be able to throw in for effect, “And you should have heard her scream at me!”
Stonewalling: If you find yourself getting short tempered for no reason with your children or other loved ones after spending time with him, leave him. That would be your inner voice, your gut, or your guardian angel telling you something that you seem to be ignoring. And that is that the relationship is not making you feel good. Odds are he’s not listening to you and when he does he’s dismissive or contemptuous.
Accessorizing: When he doesn’t engage with you in conversation and says that you’re random or boring, know it’s not you. He only wants to talk or hear about himself. You're merely an accessory he can use as a sounding board. Try this instead: Change the topic to how wonderful he is but add that he’s not wonderful for you. That will get his attention!
Bit Part Acting: If he doesn’t like to snuggle after sex and tells you not to touch him, get out of bed. You won’t be able to sleep anyway. “How could he not want to snuggle with me?” you think. Because he already got what he wanted. “But the sex was so good!” you add. That’s because he prides himself on a good performance. You're just a bit part actor.
Narcissism: If the only way you’re going to get a compliment is to ask for it, you’re not being insecure, you’re being ignored. Move on. You know you look good, and he is thinking you look good, and that makes him look good. That’s all that matters to him.
Caretaking: Do not lend him money, give him anything, or pick up his share of the tab. You’ll never see it again and it means nothing to him. Just say no! You may not have realized this but in his mind your role in the relationship is to take care of him.
Gaslighting: If he backs into your car and says you shouldn’t have parked there and doesn’t emphatically apologize, he’s not the one. Sorry, but there’s just no way to rationalize it. He didn’t forget to say I’m sorry, he can’t pretend it didn’t happen because you’ll both have to look at the giant dent for the remainder of the life of the car, and he didn’t do it intentionally to mark his territory. If he can’t man up on something so clearly visible and tangible, imagine how he’d be when he hurts your feelings.
Chauvansim: If he invites you to his family’s summer home for the weekend and talks about all the fun you’ll have together at his favorite beach, but instead of taking you to it he decides to study the whole time, find the nearest mode of transportation and get out. He didn’t bring you to meet his family and entertain you. You’re there to make him look good in front of them. Surely you packed an apron so you could help out in the kitchen with the other women?